ejaculaterazors' Journal

Wow, oh my god, I'm posting. It's been a while. I thought I'd join the depressive posts by starting with the swapping of a smoking habit for a drinking habit. I can't help but feel that unless I do something, in a very short space of time, I'll be able to look back at my smoking and seriously wonder whether it was doing less damage. Never mind. Tomorrow night I'll work on neither. Can't let Jen be seen with me any more overweight than I already am. Why do all the good things in life make you fat, impotent or unfit? God has a lot to answer for.

Right, let's move on from depressing shit. Good things in life. I have an offer for medical school. It's not quite "Come join us in September", it's "Come join us in September if people we thought were better than you bail on us". Which is fair enough. Out of 350+ applicants, eighty-odd places, I'm 17th on the waiting list, with a guaranteed place next year. It may not seem much to all you terminally high-achieving Camfordites out there, but I'm feeling pretty groovy about it, considering I did 2 sciences for GCSE, none for A-level, and scraped my way through the GAMSAT on the back of an English degree. So yeah. Fuck everyone who thought I couldn't, and fuck the people who think that where I've come isn't good enough.

What else is good in life (Conan)? I've joined a good work friend in his band's side project. As vocalist. Don't laugh. I'm actually a good singer according to some people. Mainly said during drunk and manly hugs after close pool games (I love going out with work friends). I hope it all pans out. The job itself isn't too bad, I'm about to get a pretty large pay rise if nothing fucks up, so hey to me. Might actually be able to afford to go to uni again by the time it comes around. Plus side is that after the first year the DOH will pay for uni fees. Only thing they're good for as far as I'm concerned.

Right, it's getting late, and you've all had far too much of an insight into my personal life. So I'm going to say goodnight and maybe I'll post again in the next six months.

Mike
xxx

Current Music: Stop at Nothing by Dying Fetus

Because I'm a big loser...

Create your own Friend Test here

Righty, anyone who fancies seeing how well they know me (or how many decent educated guesses they can make) have a go. An added incentive is prizes detailed on completion of the quiz. They are all very valuable, and definitely worth going for. The person who scores the highest gets the grand prize. If more than one person gets this, then they all fight it out in a naked battle royale while I film it for later amusement.

It's been a while since I last posted, and since I don't feel like extending this right now, may I just say: Leicester Tigers - you rule. LJ has been my consistent bitching tool over the past couple of years, and I really ought to be fair on the buggers when they decide that the best team in England ought to win something. I love you guys. Sniff.

Love to all - Tigers fans and not (apart from Wasps fans. They can get brutally fisted by Alesana Tuilagi).

Kisses.

'And I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell.'
I'm happy.

Apologies to Jenni, Chris, Lucy, Rachel, Giles and my housemates (none of whom read this, so meh), and anybody else who has had to deal with miserable Mike for the past God knows how long*. I just feel good. I've turned up the music in my room and I am just in bliss. This is what hallucinogenics taken the right way (i.e. without Apocalypse Now in the background) must feel like.

Been on the phone home, and it seems that things are beginning to sort themselves out, and I just feel great about it. This is going to sound ultra pathetic, but I don't give a shit what anyone thinks. I just feel like I'm not a huge failure, and that my family are proud of me, and nobody can take it away. I haven't had any good news for a long time, and my coping method of don't talk to anyone and just get on with it is only good for so long.

Nothing else to report, because I have nothing I want to bitch about, I just thought I'd share the happy feeling.

I love you all.

Mike

* Very big apologies to anyone at fencing who has been on the wrong end of a stressed fleche. This goes out especially to Dave and Augustina.**

** Mandeep also deserves an honourable mention for putting up with me breaking a sword on his neck surprisingly well.

Current Music: Bat out of Hell by Meat Loaf

'We got this plutonium kind of love shit going and I don't wanna fuck that up, all right?'
Hey ho,

It has been a mixed week. The weekend was fantastic in every way, and I couldn't have asked for more. Jen came to stay from Thursday till Monday and I wish she'd been here longer. We went out to the monthly goth night at the students' union, and it was good fun. Music selection was very weird. I guess it's because goth (lyrics apart) isn't really a musical style (unless we count the legions of Bauhaus clones) and thus borrows heavily from other genres. I know you can call lots of bands goth, but I highly doubt they would fit together very well except in certain circumstances (see earlier parenthesis). Put Sisters of Mercy next to Inkubus Sukkubus followed by a dose of My Dying Bride. Rock/folk/metal not an obvious combination (except for Finntroll, blessed be thy name).

In other news, the fencing team played Northumbria today, who are a very very hard team. I bowed out due to fucking work commitments (I have to have a title for my Yeats essay by tomorrow) and won't know how we did till tonight. Got my final grades for last semester which were a solid 2.1 but not really what I was hoping for. DAMN YOU NICK RAY!!! THAT ESSAY WAS FUCKING AWESOME!!! Ahem. It possibly was an average essay, but I don't want to accept that considering how much fucking work I did to it.

Here are some photos because I can. Was a good night - no camera in club, but hey, why would you want to see a bunch of random people when you could gaze in adoration at us? ;) Cheesy grins and black nail varnish. Not serious enough for the hardcore goths perhaps. They may weep at us.

Love to all,

Mike xxx

Current Music: God is Dead by Vader

Stay Groovy. :D
Well, went to see Hot Fuzz tonight. Was a very weird film - like Shaun of the Dead it seemed to change films halfway through, but that in no way detracted from a fantastically funny film. Was it better than Shaun? It was definitely a more accomplished piece of filmmaking whilst also being a lot more immature. I guess the definite change was that it didn't feel like a feature length episode of Spaced. Before you reject it in disgust, the homages are still there, and the Straw Dogs take off has to be the best. Toks and I were going to have our usual discussion of favourite moments at the end, but one stood out more than any other: Simon Pegg kicking an old lady in the face. It was funny and light hearted but also quite astoundingly brutal. I think this film confirms the theory that the only violence that merits an 18 rating is that which is sexual or sadistic in nature (i.e. why Saw can possibly be considered an 18). I applaud the relaxing of censorship, but mourn the demise of the video nasty culture. Whether for bad acting, racial stereotypes, cannibalism or graphic yet poorly executed violence, we will remember them. RIP

I am so behind on my work for tomorrow, and am more than a little worried in that I have thirty odd Yeats poems to understand, and a good 150 more pages of Larkin. Yeats tonight, Larkin in the morning I think. Something about Yeats's poetry seems to lend itself to sleep deprivation. Possibly the fact that he is INSANE!

Jenni is here tomorrow! Yay! Need to tidy my room, hoover, make sure I have some food in the house, get rid of the odd smell which is almost, but not entirely like a changing room. Must resist the lure of spider solitaire and the epic task of rating every song on itunes a genre at a time. Of course I have to listen to each song all the way through, so this could take some time.

Anyway, to Responsibilities.

Love to all my homies.

PS - on closer inspection it's my swimming towel festering in the corner. Nice.

PPS - check out radio 7 on the bbc website, and listen to the dramatization of Women in Love. Aside from some slightly weird voices, it's a very good version. Last episode is tomorrow night, but the previous ones are all available for a listen.

Current Music: Laid to Waste by Bolt Thrower

"I always flirt with death; I look ill but I don't care about it".
Hey to all,

I just finished watching Tie Me Up Tie Me Down with Sam and Toks. Call this sacrilege if you must, but I preferred it by far to All About My Mother. Haven't seen as much Almodovar as I probably should have, but for a film with the stupidest plot ever, it manages to be brilliant. Not as good as Talk To Her though. But what is? Basically, a guy gets released from a mental hospital and kidnaps a porn star and ties her up so that eventually she'll love him. Great film. My turn tomorrow night, so everyone gets to watch Suspiria. Heh.

Anyway, enough about silly films. Slowly getting into the new NIN stuff, which is a good thing considering the proximity of the gig.

Ummm... More stuff to update with. Weekend at home was a living hell. Well, maybe not quite that bad, but certainly more stressful than spending the weekend in Leeds. Meh. I hope it all sorts out. I'm worried about how everything is affecting Georgie. Sometimes she seems way too mature for her age. I worry that all the stress and tension around the house is doing her no good. Fuck it. Just watched a good film, don't want to lose the mood.

Anyway, till next time my homies.

PS Four nights till Jenni visits. Will be the end of three very very long weeks. Can't wait to see her again.

PPS Haven't been to a club since New Years. Am getting serious withdrawal symptoms. Not really an option though, as have no money. Meh.

Current Music: Every Day Is Exactly The Same by NIN

Just a quickie...
Reading the foreword to Sons and Lovers. Why do all the people I'm studying in depth this year appear to be dangerously insane? I knew Yeats had several screws loose, but Lawrence too? Damn. On the plus side, we do get a seminar to discuss Yeats's occult writings at the end of the semester (I rule!).

Current Music: Can't Explain by The Who

'Was that a parable, or a very subtle joke?' (it may be tiredness, but funniest lyric ever?)
I'm tired. In retrospect a silly idea to say that I'm going to play spider solitaire until I win before going to bed. Phone call aside, that was about three hours ago. My eyes hurt. Meat Loaf helped me get through it. In the words of my old fencing captain, 'For those days when nothing but rock opera will do.' This will be one of those days. God bless him.

Hope you are all sleeping and happy. Night night.

Current Music: It's All Coming Back to Me Now by Meatloaf

'Though I often smell of excrement, I deserve your respect because I provide a valuable service.'
Hey ho all, long time no post. That's because it is all fun fun fun here in bleak Yorkshire. But hey, to concentrate on a happy moment, I shall look to last weekend, when I went to a masquerade ball in Oxford. There were classy songs, nice people, masks (surprise), drinks (although when buying two drinks and one of them being bottled lager, one does expect change from a tenner). Spent most of the weekend other than that being a tribesman (Giles - she made me do it again...) or in bed keeping warm. Oh yeah, and watching cool stuff like Day of the Dead, Battlestar and Nadesico (best anime ever). I am hopeless with money, and it's looking doubtful I can pay my fees this time round. Three cheers for my organisation. Meh. It's the excuse I need to stop smoking anyway. Might get fat though. Am currently working my way through a pack of Maryland cookies.

Workwise, D H Lawrence is shaping up to be a very good module, as is contemporary fiction. Yeats I'm not sure about yet. Was going to be bitter and growl about tutor being a hard-to-please whatsit, but he's given me a first for my last detective essay. Even though he complains about my style all the way through. If I didn't know he was seeing a professor in modern/postmodern literature, I'd think he was gay, with phrases such as 'a particularly inelegant first sentence' and continual references to my narrative ugliness. I'll take the marks though. I'll need them with my possible dubious psychanalysis essay and definitely dubious exam.

Anything else to say? Hmmm. I think the poster of Lewis Moody comes alive and talks to me at night. I keep saying that I don't want to kill everyone, but he is one stubborn bastard. Right - a quick read of Crossways and then maybe I'll bully Toks into watching Little Miss Sunshine with me.

Bye for now, and all my love to Jen, who was spectacularly gorgeous at the ball (the dress was nice too).

Mike out. xxx

PS. I finished the cookies before the post. Someone help me.

PPS. Giles has promised to take me to a post-mortem. Happy!

Current Music: Caprice no.24 in A minor by Paganini (get me)

Hey all from a deeply disgruntled Michael.

I'm bored. I've been revising all day! And I've run out of time so I have to choose between Joyce and HD. Actually, there's no comparison - has to be HD. I spent longer sorting out notes for her than anyone else, and she fits aspects of possible questions which nobody else I've prepared does. I'm going to start work on her in about five minutes... Then with any luck I'll be finished by nine thirty, so I can watch something and still get eight hours sleep before my exam. At least it's all over at 12.30 tomorrow. How's everyone else's annoyances at the moment?

In other news, the new Anaal Nathrakh album makes me shiver. It's so damn good. Wish I could get to Inferno this year. I may never see them live. There's no denying that for modern black metal (although the label is too restricting for what they all do), England leads the world: Anaal Nathrakh, Axis of Perdition, The Meads of Asphodel. There are other great bands, but those are the unholy trinity. Love em.

Tigers news - Shane Jennings is leaving. The best flanker who wasn't Lewis Moody in the premiership. Bummer. We are now short of openside cover. Meh. And I won't be able to go home for the next match which is not all bad as...

I'm going to Oxford this weekend. 'Why Michael?' I hear you cry. 'It's a godforsaken hole where the people try to replace humanity with pretension!' There is a lot to be said for this point my invisible friend, (just kidding if any Oxford types are reading this) but Jenni's there and I want to see her. Case closed. (It's going to be a bloody good weekend assuming I make it out of my exam alive).

Love to you all, especially to the one who keeps my inbox updated with zombie pornography. Match made in heaven(?) or what?

Byeeee!

Current Music: When the lion devours both dragon and child - Anaal Nathrakh

Though I walk through the valley of the damned, I don't give a fuck because I'm into Dragonforce!!!
Hey to all,

Not so long since my last post, so maybe I'm getting better at this whole 'keep in contact thing'. I should say at the start that Giles is my hero, my idol, and that if I ever got over my whole anti-religion thing, I'd want to emulate him. He had a ticket for dragonforce he bought off a friend, and deciding that I would enjoy it more than him, gave it to me. How amazing is that! One day I shall earn that kind of friendship. Anyway, here's to you mon ami, and I shall be forever grateful. Good luck on your exams, and this christmas we shall meet up and have many drinks and swap manly stories. Yes.

Dragonforce were as amazing as always. The Refectory is a fairly terrible place to have a gig (it depresses me that it is the largest venue in leeds). Apart from only doing cans as opposed to pints, it is way too narrow and so the people at the back are miles off. Luckily this wasn't an issue for me... ;) I can push my way through moshpits with the best of them, and got close enough to take lots of photos. They played an awesome selection of songs, and I sang so much and so hard that I thought I was going to die by the end. They were hilarious in between songs, and fully deserve their gigs being sold out. Third time I've seen them, and if I heard there were tickets available tomorrow, I would be there. Brilliant.

Here are some photos as I attempted to get some despite the mad dancing, jostling and general crazy lighting:

In other news, I went home for a very relaxed weekend, where I went to the pub multiple times, meeting up with Chris and Lucy - I had a great evening, and it was really nice to see you both. Pete seems to be getting in more fights at college, but bless him, he can take it. Georgie went to see Dragonforce at Rock City, and I gather enjoyed herself a lot. I met her new boyfriend, who seems nice. And cats! I love my cats...

Jenni is coming tomorrow, and I can't wait. Will be a good week I think. :)

Rock out my homies.

xxx

Current Music: Battle Metal by Turisas

...
Just a post because I am furious. The bloody NHS... This is not (just) bitterness because I probably won't have a job this Christmas, but because of the ridiculous mismanagement that's going on. All expenses have been frozen, meaning no hiring any additional staff. Fine, unless the workload is so great that half the people are off through stress, some people are working until nine in the evening, and people are leaving all the time. Dermatology have lost so many people to illness it's ridiculous, even more so when you factor in the stress-related complaints. Patients are breaching all over the hospital because there is too much work for people to cope with. But the overlords say that we can't hire people because we need to save money. We're a fucking service organisation! Quite apart from the effect on staff, I don't really see how this benefits the patients in any way. The people in my department are working like hell to try and help as many people as possible, putting their health on the line to do it, and what thanks do they get? They get fucking managers telling them that they don't need any help because they are coping! ARGH!!! As a side issue, I have been doing the work of a clinic coordinator being paid basic admin wages, and I don't mind this because it makes the job more interesting, but Jackie doesn't think she'll be allowed to hire me even part time, just until people get back from illness. How are they saving money? I can do the job cheaply and efficiently, but they'd rather it all went to shit. If we still have a National Health Service in five years without making major changes I'll be very surprised. Bloody Labour, bloody Thatcher, who the fuck thought businessmen would improve anything in the health service? Anyway, rant over.

Current Music: At First Light by Bolt Thrower

The fate of norns awaits us all...
Hey hey,

I've decided to post about how great last night was because if I don't, I will just let the euphoria die down until I can't be bothered to. It was awesome. Simply brilliant. Wintersun blew me (and the rest of the audience) away. They played my two favourites (admittedly easy when you only have one album out with only eight tracks, but still...)

Amon Amarth were also fantastic. When I saw them supported by Gorerotted, I thought that they were good, but not astoundingly so. Last night they engaged beautifully with the audience, and they really made you feel a part of something. Shit bands connect with no-one, good bands engage with the front few rows, great bands dominate the entire venue. And they dominated. Lots of songs I wasn't so familiar with, and a very long set, but at no point did I think that they'd gone on too long. They've almost persuaded me to buy their latest album (something I have hitherto held out on simply because there have been more important purchases I need to make).

Afterwards, still basking in the near post-coital glow of a good gig, Giles and I hung around and chatted (mainly Giles) to the members of Wintersun. Giles knew I was short on money, and bought me a tour t-shirt as a present - big man, I am incredibly grateful. I am wearing it proudly. He also committed an act so tactless it deserves to go down in legend. I took lots of photos of him with band members, but when we were talking to the lead singer, he asked the guitarist of the other support band to hold the camera so both of us could be in it... Nice one. ;)

You have most of those photos, so get them on!

Here are a couple I took (trying out my camera in gig setting for the first time).

Amon Amarth doing their thang.

Bless...

No comment...

Raargh!

(there are more, but I've wasted enough of your time... ;) love to all. xxx)

Current Music: Dream of Mirrors by Iron Maiden

Muuuuugh... *crunch, snap, rip, fleshy noises, chewing,*
Hey all,

Feeling pretty good. Jen has already summarised my weekend very nicely, so I shall merely offer some clarification:

1. Zombies are infinitely cooler than vampires.
2. Hitting zombies with swords ranks highly on my happy list.
3. Vampire Hunter D is a damn good film. As is Ghost in the Shell (thought not as good as Innocence).
4. David Bowie's crotch has a gravitational pull.
5. Jenni is nothing like the girl in labyrinth. Most definitely not...
6. My romantic side consists of zombie noises in what I deem an affectionate tone.
7. Jenni's friends are nice but slightly intimidating (and make cool music).
8. I am not pretty.

Had a really good psychoanalysis seminar today, where I found out that my tutor is actually a nice guy, and does have shreds of humanity ('My job is fucking difficult at the moment, and if I get through this week without killing myself it'll be a miracle'). We discussed Freud's death drive, then moved onto the Marquis de Sade, Vampires (those in Buffy and Lost Boys), finally deducing that smoking is a. cool, and b. an example of juissance as opposed to enjoyment. Lesbian vampires on friday, JG Ballard next Tuesday, I can hardly wait.

Anyway, not much else to say. I need to start noting on the idea of Auden as postmodern, but I'd rather play Resident Evil and watch Excalibur. Meh. What can you do?

As much as I love Leeds, and think it infinitely superior to anything the South has to offer, I wish I was there right now...

Love Michael.

*kisses and zombie groans*

Current Music: Horrorday in Haiti by Gorerotted

Waiting for the day to end.
Well, I'm mired in essays, and with good things to look forward to, life seems to be moving a lot slower than usual. Can't afford the time or money to go to a club, so I think my out of house socialising for this week will be confined to fencing and the obligatory trip to the eldon. Not sure essays will be done in time for me to go to the match against newcastle, but I'll see (will probably be so bored by then it'll either be the match or gnawing my own leg off).

Sam is procrastinating, Toks is reviewing cds, Amy is in Leicester. I'm bored.

On the plus side, the current essay is fun, and contrary to popular opinion you can have anagnorisis in detective fiction. *sticks tongue out at anyone who dares say otherwise*

I had a great great time at my party, and would like to thank everyone who could be there - people who couldn't, I will see you soon... The drink was flowing, the films were great (if a little confusing at times) and lots of luvverly presents. None of it compares to the company though. Everyone is deeply missed - having you here makes me happy and less cynical. Sniff. Well... Yorkshire's not too bad - Tetleys on tap, hard northern bastards as opposed to nancy southern pansies. ;-) Plus - I've made some good friends up here, even if most of the people doing English are pretentious or stupid (or a combination - someone explain that to me...)

Right, off to the writers' block.

I shall finish my rambling with a quote from Hellsing:

"You have such disgusting taste. But if pain truly is your pleasure, then I will grant your wish!"

Current Music: Torn to Pieces by Death

Boredom of someone who isn't going out tonight.
Hey ho, slightly dull post today. Am getting drunk on tesco red wine with toks while watching the ali g in the usa show. He is so much better than i remember him. (Catholic priest: 'This interview is over'). Things are a bit bleak here in the good old yorkshire. I have broken up with rachel, and feel a bit guilty about that, not going into reasons why we broke up - it's private you motherfucking vultures! Ahem. Moving on. Went to see Little Miss Sunshine with Toks tonight - a brilliantly good film. I particularly love the suicidal uncle. Ali G has moved to Borat talking about pulling off camels and impregnating small Uzbekistani boys. Anyway - my birthday party soon - thinking about the weekend of 4th and 5th november. Hope it fits in with schedules and such. Lifts to and from station can be managed. Anyone reading this (presumably of my friends, but I'm easy) is invited and I will send an email shortly. Oh yeah, and this is the first night of internet in the house. Good old toks sorted out wireless for us all. Sam has gone back to brummieham for the weekend, and amy is taking her boyfriend mikey out to a decent club (he goes to uni in leicester - poor soul).

Love to you all, missing you immensely.

xxx

PS I've lost my charger so no phone contact possible - apologies especially to giles as I haven't been able to see him for a long time.

Current Music: The Ali G Show... For shame.

Hey all, definitely a very long time...

What could have prompted this unexpected post? Perhaps it was wanting to talk about holiday. Perhaps it was guilt at my neglect of you all. Well, it was neither of these. I'm sulking. Having found a copy of resident evil 3 (or resident evil 2.5 as those in the know like to call it) I have been enjoying a trip to childhood and really getting into it again. 'Isn't this easy?' I joked, dodging round a zombie. 'How did I find this hard?' I chortled, neatly blowing another's head off with a shotgun. I didn't show the game enough respect, and made the cardinal error when nemesis is knocking about. I ran into a room with one exit. It is a safe room, so he can't get in (thank god), but now the vicious sod is waiting outside with his glowy hand moved poised. Every time I leave the room I don't get far before he runs up, picks me up and promptly caves in my skull with pixellated precision. Bastard. Eight deaths and reloads later and I'm not playing with him any more. He cheats.

Ahem. Anyway, enough juvenile behavour from me for one night I think. Hi to everyone if that got lost amidst the whinge.

I'm off to go and do something useful, like sort through my holiday photos.

Byeeeeeeeee!

PS RIP Carrie - you were vicious and skulky, but we still loved you (a big softy really).

Current Music: Wicked Pussycat (a tribute)

DRAINS!!!
Hey all from a slightly disgusted michael.

I'm leaving here for home tonight and in Sam's absence, it fell to me to clear the blocked drain outside our window. ALWAYS WEAR GLOVES! A year's worth of accumulated blockage is rather unpleasant, especially when two guys with long hair live there. The occasional hair lost whilst showering becomes a nasty lattice which traps all the dirt and filth which goes through that drain as the year progresses. I didn't have gloves, and the smell after scouring my hands with cleaning products (I stopped just short of bleach) was still terrible. I can only compare it to the time when we were little and found a decaying whale skull on the beach. Mum made us take our little plastic spades and pry rotting brain tissue from the bone. I'm still not sure why it was worth destroying my little red spade. Anyway, my hands smell a lot, and unfortunately so does my last scourer. Sigh.

Bloody hell.

I'll be back later. Love to all (even my out of work bum girlfriend).

What is it about bad horror films and men with beards getting frisky?
Hey ho in a whispered voice, as Rachel has gone to sleep.

It seems a lot later than it is, and she is at work tomorrow at six in the morning, so she needs all the rest she can get. Am watching nightmares in a damaged brain quietly - the opening screams were probably loud enough to wake our neighbour, whom I assume is asleep as I can't hear the thump of heavy dance music.

Whew, this film is pretty creepy, unusual for a nasty... Fun though. Not sure it deserves the accolades given to it by the box. Yay! Wonderful line:

- I'm sorry.
- You lose a dangerously psychotic maniac from an experimental drugs program and all you can say is sorry!

This film is not exactly a classic of the genre, and I am highly tempted to change discs and watch zombie flesh eaters instead. Now there's a classic. ;)

Not much creepiness in evidence here now - show more scenes of the little boy with the axe!

Love to you all,

Mike

'Every year is the same...'
Anger still strong. I support a team with a pathological fear of success. You bastards! You stupid fucking bastards - every game I've ever been to watch you away from home you've lost! Why the fuck do I bother?

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Current Music: I'm One by The Who

Advertisement